There is something about experiencing the pain and struggle of this world that robs us of joyful expectation. As a child all the way through the end of my teenage years I would always hope for the best and constantly talk about it with others. Then my eyes were opened to the world’s messed up, harsh, and unfair state. In some ways, I have gained that optimism back over the last decade through recognizing God’s goodness and provision. But, Malia’s death has brought a whole new depth to my experience with this world’s brokenness.
I was sharing with some friends this week that it feels like the moment one tragic thing happened to us that it would trigger an entire chain of horrible events. What would be next? Am I cursed? Has God left me here in my grief? Does He want us to suffer this way? Will He take everything from us now? Are we going to experience things like Job?
Yesterday I was meditating on a random part of Psalm 23, where it says, He has prepared a table before me. While I was reading, I was actually sitting at my table with some oatmeal, a cup of tea and some beautiful flowers, looking out the window over the city — and I recognized yes, it was true, He literally had prepared this table before me. And many other truths were made clear in that moment. He had provided. We are still protected. I have not been cursed. I am not forgotten by Him. He has not abandoned us. And I pray that I will soon be able to say the next line of Psalm 23 with confidence , my cup overflows.